A friend, a dear friend actually, came to me with an idea. At first I thought it was just a ploy to get some free cookies and milk but this guy is serious. He wants to get in touch with the LOGO channel and get them to read my blog and see if there is a possibility of getting me my own show. I can just picture it now, a large ranch style kitchen so that I would have lots of storage space and room to move around in. And every good show has a side kick but I'm thinking of a new one every week, some cute little dressed in nothing but an apron so that I can chase him around the kitchen with a spatula while the food is cooking. And then what a guest list I could have! Ellen, Sir Ian, Kevin, and that adorable Neil Patrick Harris and the list just goes on. I'm hoping that he really does have friends over there but just in case, feel free to write, email or call LOGO (the LGBT Channel) and tell them that you think that I would should have my own show and that they can check out my blogs at their leisure, or better still, right now.
Stella
Showing posts with label humor in cooking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor in cooking. Show all posts
Friday, December 4, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
ON THE ROAD AGAIN !!!
Dear Friends of the Stella, Sorry, I’ve been out of touch for awhile but I have been touring the south performing my job as a judge for all of the local Miss Gay America pageants. Every town, county or city that has a gay bar seems to be having these and I can use the bucks. The rules, of course, are somewhat different for these contests like sleeping with the judges is not only permitted but also encouraged. And although some of the contestants are truly pigs they are of the two-legged variety. Hog calling and chicken plucking are by themselves worthy attributes but can not be used during the talent portion of the contest. The rest of the rules seem to vary from bar to bar and local to local. The most interesting one was “The Miss Gay America Semi-Driver” competition. You just have to admire a truck driver walking in a pair of stilettos and who knew that latex girdles could be made that size. As always, any contestant caught grazing on the grass during the pageant will automatically be disqualified, except in Texas.
But in keeping with my reputation as The Kitchen Bitch, I will share a recipe that I have never before shared with anyone, my world famous chocolate chip cookies. You know I love short cuts and everyone will be sworn to secrecy on this one. I use the recipe on the back of the bag of Nestle’s Chocolate Chips with the following variation. To the batter add 1 tablespoon of instant coffee, 1 teaspoon of ground clove (not just for hams anymore), 1/2 cup of walnut pieces and a handful of flaked coconut (this keeps the cookies nice and moist for a longer period of time, like they're going to sit around). Then just finish with the rest of their directions except I like to make larger cookies (for when my diet says I can only have one cookie). Sometimes I like to add one additional ingredient and that would be 1 teaspoon of raspberry extract. I dare you.
Auntie Stella
But in keeping with my reputation as The Kitchen Bitch, I will share a recipe that I have never before shared with anyone, my world famous chocolate chip cookies. You know I love short cuts and everyone will be sworn to secrecy on this one. I use the recipe on the back of the bag of Nestle’s Chocolate Chips with the following variation. To the batter add 1 tablespoon of instant coffee, 1 teaspoon of ground clove (not just for hams anymore), 1/2 cup of walnut pieces and a handful of flaked coconut (this keeps the cookies nice and moist for a longer period of time, like they're going to sit around). Then just finish with the rest of their directions except I like to make larger cookies (for when my diet says I can only have one cookie). Sometimes I like to add one additional ingredient and that would be 1 teaspoon of raspberry extract. I dare you.
Auntie Stella
Sunday, December 21, 2008
HAM IT UP
First off I have to share a scary dream I had last night. I dreamed that I was a Mormon and that I was wearing magic underwear but then I woke up wearing my new white teddy that I got from Victoria's Secret. Boy that was a close one.
These days everyone is buying those spiral sliced hams and it can be a PITA (you know what that means) trying to put those cloves on the ham the way mom used to do. Ground clove is now the way to go. And everyone uses cherries and raisins so why not try Auntie Stella's recipe for a change. You are going to need a tablespoon or so of ground clove (which is also great to get rid of a toothache); a small jar (6-8 oz) of sweet (California style) orange marmalade; a cup of brown sugar; 1/4 cup of orange juice and cinnamon and nutmeg (optional) to taste. Mix all of the ingredients together and since the ham is already sliced, work it in to the slices then toothpick it back together and bake. But you have to promise to tell someone where you got the recipe so they can come and visit me too.
I truly hope that everyone everywhere has the best of the holidays that they celebrate and that we can all come together in 2009 to promote peace and understanding throughout the world and try to save this planet we all call home. It's the only one that has chocolate I am reminded.
Love.
Stella
These days everyone is buying those spiral sliced hams and it can be a PITA (you know what that means) trying to put those cloves on the ham the way mom used to do. Ground clove is now the way to go. And everyone uses cherries and raisins so why not try Auntie Stella's recipe for a change. You are going to need a tablespoon or so of ground clove (which is also great to get rid of a toothache); a small jar (6-8 oz) of sweet (California style) orange marmalade; a cup of brown sugar; 1/4 cup of orange juice and cinnamon and nutmeg (optional) to taste. Mix all of the ingredients together and since the ham is already sliced, work it in to the slices then toothpick it back together and bake. But you have to promise to tell someone where you got the recipe so they can come and visit me too.
I truly hope that everyone everywhere has the best of the holidays that they celebrate and that we can all come together in 2009 to promote peace and understanding throughout the world and try to save this planet we all call home. It's the only one that has chocolate I am reminded.
Love.
Stella
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
DARE TO TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT
The recipes that you are likely to read about in here are things that I have personally made and tasted but some are going to sound weird. Weird can be good. There was this guy named Oscar that I dated once, um but that's another story for another time.
Chili and Eggs, not two foods you would ordinarily think of at the same time but it works well. You can make as much or as little as you want by adjusting the ingredients and this is not something that tastes all that good reheated later so eat up. Typically I make it for two of us and it is a meal in itself so you don't need anything extra except toast or English muffins and your favorite jelly or jam. I could eat this morning, noon or night but you might want to try it for dinner first.
Shopping list: Eggs; large can of Hormel chili with beans; can of chopped chilies (I like the mild ones), a large onion diced; chopped green peppers (optional); a bag of cheddar cheese and a couple of teaspoons of oleo or butter.
In a skillet, add the butter over medium low heat. Next add 1/2 the onions and the green peppers and saute. Beat the hell out of six-eight eggs depending on their size, (of course I like the extra large or jumbos being the size queen that I am). I like to add a little milk to the eggs but that's up to you. Most cooks add water but again, I don't drink that stuff. Pour the egg mixture into the skillet and stir them to make scrambled eggs. When the eggs are just about as hard as you would normally serve them, empty the can of chili over top of the eggs and heat until the beans are hot (only a couple of minutes). Remove and put directly onto the plates and garnish with the rest of the onions and top with the cheddar cheese and you're ready to starting eating. To avoid heartburn later, I drink a large glass of milk with this meal or you can keep a roll of Tums or Rolaids handy for later. Quick, easy and it tastes wonderful. I hope you will try this because I know it will quickly become one of your favorites.
Till next time, I'm Stella (aren't you glad you're not)
Chili and Eggs, not two foods you would ordinarily think of at the same time but it works well. You can make as much or as little as you want by adjusting the ingredients and this is not something that tastes all that good reheated later so eat up. Typically I make it for two of us and it is a meal in itself so you don't need anything extra except toast or English muffins and your favorite jelly or jam. I could eat this morning, noon or night but you might want to try it for dinner first.
Shopping list: Eggs; large can of Hormel chili with beans; can of chopped chilies (I like the mild ones), a large onion diced; chopped green peppers (optional); a bag of cheddar cheese and a couple of teaspoons of oleo or butter.
In a skillet, add the butter over medium low heat. Next add 1/2 the onions and the green peppers and saute. Beat the hell out of six-eight eggs depending on their size, (of course I like the extra large or jumbos being the size queen that I am). I like to add a little milk to the eggs but that's up to you. Most cooks add water but again, I don't drink that stuff. Pour the egg mixture into the skillet and stir them to make scrambled eggs. When the eggs are just about as hard as you would normally serve them, empty the can of chili over top of the eggs and heat until the beans are hot (only a couple of minutes). Remove and put directly onto the plates and garnish with the rest of the onions and top with the cheddar cheese and you're ready to starting eating. To avoid heartburn later, I drink a large glass of milk with this meal or you can keep a roll of Tums or Rolaids handy for later. Quick, easy and it tastes wonderful. I hope you will try this because I know it will quickly become one of your favorites.
Till next time, I'm Stella (aren't you glad you're not)
Sunday, October 26, 2008
BEVRAGES, NEW AND EXCITING WAYS TO MAKE BLAND FUN
Being the southern slut that I am, iced tea is what is served most at my place. Used to drink a lot of water till I saw a picture a deer peeing in a stream so now I have to boil it first. But it surprises me how many people don't know how to make 'sweet tea' and I have found an easy way to make it these days (easy is me). I use a 4 cup glass measuring cup and add 6 tea regular tea bags and just toss it into the microwave. Okay, rednecks, don't really toss it just put it in there. Set the microwave for 10 minutes and then just let it set for awhile and go check your emails or watch part of Oprah. You will need to have a gallon jug and if you are going to use the milk jug you just finished rinse it real good and then use a funnel to put the tea, sugar and water in, but not the same one that you use to put oil in the car. 1 and 1/2 cups of sugar will give you the iced tea that your mama used to make but shake or stir the mixture real good or you might get a sugar rush on the last glass.
My baby sister Debbie puts nothing else in her tea (die hard redneck girl) but I drink so much of the stuff that I like to add other stuff to it once in awhile, do you feel daring enough to stay with me? It might sound a little weird but if you try some of these ideas you might find that you really like the taste, at least for a change of pace. Kool-aid, the stuff you drank as a kid can now be used to add a different flavor to your tea. Make your favorite flavor of Kool-aid up in a jug and try adding an inch or two to your glass before adding the iced tea. My new favorite flavor is the Mango. Also, those extracts that I spoke of in the beginning can be fun too, a couple of drops of the raspberry extract will taste better than the stuff that you pay $1 for in the vending machines. If you have kids, you probably buy the grape juice in the can that calls for 3 cans of water to add to it. Again, 1-2 inches of the stuff. I know this all sounds weird but trust the old girl here.
If you are a coffee drinker, especially at night, a couple of drops of raspberry, almond or vanilla extract can be heavenly. Not for breakfast when you need a cup of kick-ass to get you going but more like relaxing and watching Wheel of Fortune. If you find that you like it, I use a cap full of extract on top of the grounds before brewing. Ever heard of Cafe Vienna, in comes in a box in the grocery store for about $4. Try putting some cinnamon on the grounds, just a couple of shakes of the tin or jar and then add sugar and cream or coffee lightener in your cup. How easy is that and you have something new to serve to your guest (assuming you keep your boots on and have friends).
Next time I'll teach you how to make: Chili and Eggs, not for the faint of heart to look at but it tastes wonderful and an hour later you can go and visit your mother-in-law. LOL
Stella
My baby sister Debbie puts nothing else in her tea (die hard redneck girl) but I drink so much of the stuff that I like to add other stuff to it once in awhile, do you feel daring enough to stay with me? It might sound a little weird but if you try some of these ideas you might find that you really like the taste, at least for a change of pace. Kool-aid, the stuff you drank as a kid can now be used to add a different flavor to your tea. Make your favorite flavor of Kool-aid up in a jug and try adding an inch or two to your glass before adding the iced tea. My new favorite flavor is the Mango. Also, those extracts that I spoke of in the beginning can be fun too, a couple of drops of the raspberry extract will taste better than the stuff that you pay $1 for in the vending machines. If you have kids, you probably buy the grape juice in the can that calls for 3 cans of water to add to it. Again, 1-2 inches of the stuff. I know this all sounds weird but trust the old girl here.
If you are a coffee drinker, especially at night, a couple of drops of raspberry, almond or vanilla extract can be heavenly. Not for breakfast when you need a cup of kick-ass to get you going but more like relaxing and watching Wheel of Fortune. If you find that you like it, I use a cap full of extract on top of the grounds before brewing. Ever heard of Cafe Vienna, in comes in a box in the grocery store for about $4. Try putting some cinnamon on the grounds, just a couple of shakes of the tin or jar and then add sugar and cream or coffee lightener in your cup. How easy is that and you have something new to serve to your guest (assuming you keep your boots on and have friends).
Next time I'll teach you how to make: Chili and Eggs, not for the faint of heart to look at but it tastes wonderful and an hour later you can go and visit your mother-in-law. LOL
Stella
Friday, October 24, 2008
MAKE SOMETHING PRETTY
Yes, I know people eat because they are hungry but if you take the time to make the plate more colorful or just add a sprig of parsley; a slice of lemon or lime or orange and the arrangement of the food on the plate. Don't just slop in on the plate like they do in jail and don't ask me how I know about such things. If it looks pretty it will taste better and the compliments will follow. Ask yourself, who would you go home with first, Brad Pitt or Frankenstein? Okay, maybe that is going off topic but I just love to think about Brad Pitt. Here are somethings that you can try at home for your family and friends.
Salad, it's not just lettuce and tomato with a slice of cucumber anymore. You can add some Salad Supreme (made by McCormick and found on the spice isle, one of my favorites); add some leftover chicken, turkey or ham that is just sitting in the fridge; Parmesan or Romano cheese that you only use for spaghetti and fresh vegetables like yellow squash or onion. Serve it up with your favorite salad dressings and WOW.
Home made soups are a snap if you have a crock pot or even if you have to cook it on top of the stove. My extra time is all mine to do what I want to do so short cuts help a lot. For my vegetable beef soup I pick up a pack of stew beef; some beef broth or bouillon cubes; a can of potatoes, carrots, peas (if you must but remember that Confucius says: If you cook carrots and peas in same pot, that is very unsanitary) and a can of corn. Throw it all in the same pot including the liquid that is in the cans. Add celery if you have fresh or some celery seeds, salt and pepper and a little garlic powder. Cook on high for the first fifteen minutes (top of the stove method) then turn it down to low and let it cook for about an hour. If you are really brazen, you can add a can of diced tomatoes just long enough to heat them up. Serve with a salad and bread and butter (you don't actually think I was going to bake biscuits did you?) and you can have a soup and salad night at your house.
Till next time, I'm Stella
Salad, it's not just lettuce and tomato with a slice of cucumber anymore. You can add some Salad Supreme (made by McCormick and found on the spice isle, one of my favorites); add some leftover chicken, turkey or ham that is just sitting in the fridge; Parmesan or Romano cheese that you only use for spaghetti and fresh vegetables like yellow squash or onion. Serve it up with your favorite salad dressings and WOW.
Home made soups are a snap if you have a crock pot or even if you have to cook it on top of the stove. My extra time is all mine to do what I want to do so short cuts help a lot. For my vegetable beef soup I pick up a pack of stew beef; some beef broth or bouillon cubes; a can of potatoes, carrots, peas (if you must but remember that Confucius says: If you cook carrots and peas in same pot, that is very unsanitary) and a can of corn. Throw it all in the same pot including the liquid that is in the cans. Add celery if you have fresh or some celery seeds, salt and pepper and a little garlic powder. Cook on high for the first fifteen minutes (top of the stove method) then turn it down to low and let it cook for about an hour. If you are really brazen, you can add a can of diced tomatoes just long enough to heat them up. Serve with a salad and bread and butter (you don't actually think I was going to bake biscuits did you?) and you can have a soup and salad night at your house.
Till next time, I'm Stella
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